Cult Cupid
by Freya Bobbissimo
Summary: AU1x2x1Sequel. Heero & Duo v.s. the world. They are each other's heavenly godsend, while to some others, they're the dynamic duo from Hell. Has Cupid created a monster? DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

_Sequel to 'Miss Cupid'! If you haven't already, go and read that story first if you don't want Heero and Duo's romance to be so... random._

**Cult Cupid: Chapter 1**

**Author:** Freya

**Disclaimer:** If I said that GW was mine you'd be suing my ass off right now! The spoofs aren't mine either.

**Setting:** Same as all the other settings from _'Miss Cupid'._

**Warnings:** A/U, Shounen-ai/Yaoi, my pimp pairings (the king of the crop being 1x2x1 of course), inane humor, inappropriate language, mildly obscene activity, picking on preps, and enough bad puns and retarded spoofs to choke a horse! Are we having fun yet?

_... our love shall kno-o-o-o-o-ow!_

"Man, that guy was a real joke!" Duo exclaimed whilst snickering at the ending credits of the daily morning announcements. "I swear, the people they pick to sing the school's song get worse and worse each week."

"I agree. I guess working for a shit job like the morning announcements isn't good enough for this school's "angelic" chorus girls," Wufei said sarcastically, having quoted the word "angelic" with his fingers. "This school sucks."

"Chang, Maxwell, do _not_ talk during home room," their home room teacher spat inevitably at them. It was those two more than anyone that teacher kept her eye on. "I hope you don't think you're above the rules."

"Oh, c'mon, Ms. Une! Everyone else was talking." A classic easy escape Duo had attempted. Une's thick glasses caught a glare from the overhead lighting, which gave Duo the creeps. She was like a cryptic robot, programmed to tourcher him specifically because he was so different from everybody else. But hell, every teenager has their share of feeling like that around certain people. She wasn't his biggest of problems, just one of his more annoying ones.

Just as he finished his musings on one of his more unfavorable teachers, the bell for first period had rung, and the class was cleared of people... almost.

Saved by the bell? Nope, Une had ordered Duo and Wufei to stay a few minutes for yet another lecture. Needless to say, the Chinese boy's aura was pitching pissy vibes, physically informing Duo that Une's verbal assault wasn't going to be his only one today.

School just screws all our lives over, doesn't it?

"Duo Maxwell, I'll not have you treat me with such contempt in my room. Wufei Chang, I'll have no cussing in my class or mockery of the Alma Mater. Do I make myself clear?"

Duo snorted and crossed his arms. "It's funny, I'm the only out-of-the-closet homo, and Fei's the only Asian boy in this particular homeroom. I smell a conspiracy!"

All went silent for a few seconds until Wufei made his say in the matter known.

"Stop it, Duo! She wasn't discriminating against us," Wufei snapped abruptly.

Une let out a breath, happy that she didn't have to go explaining herself. "Thank you, Wufei." Her tone was a bit on the relieved side since teachers were backed into this ugly corner all of the time. It wasn't the easiest corner to back out of either. Wasn't every day she was rescued like that though. "You boys are so bright and lively. Why let your race or sexual preference bother you."

"Being straight and Chinese doesn't bother me. Being surrounded by idiots does, though." Wufei scowled at the thought of this school and all it's cursed minions. Duo also had one to match, but for a different reason.

"I was only jokin' yanno," Duo said abruptly.

Une sighed. "I know, and your sense of humor is very bothersome."

"So what else is new?" Wufei asked unceremoniously. He had a different concern on his mind. "If we're over fifteen minutes late for class we'll get cut slips."

"Of course, Wufei. You may go. As for you, Duo, I think you're long due for a trip to the counselor's office."

"What!?" Duo almost jumped out of his skin when the word 'counselor' was brought up. He shot Une a "please don't" look, then Wufei and "please help me" one. Both of them nodded their heads in unison, leaving the poor braided teen defeated two to zip.

_3 hours later..._

"Yo Hilde, remind me that I need to totally murder Wufei, would ya?" the violet eyed delinquent asked his lady friend. After Une told him he had to go, Wufei went and dragged him to the office, by his braid no less. Needless to say, Duo was screaming and cussing and jeering the whole way down. The two-some earned some pretty odd stares from students and teachers from inside the classrooms. Of course, nobody took being dragged somewhere, against your will, by your hair, as a violent act since hair wasn't considered a limb. All that happened was few teachers told Duo to shut the hell up. Only American schools.

Hilde giggled as she rested her arm up against the wall and just shook her head. "I take it you didn't like your visit with the counselor."

Duo snorted and rummaged through a few anime mags, slinkies, and spoiled lunches in his obnoxiously unkempt locker. "I've spoken with shrubs less fucking predictable and boring than that freakoid."

"You talk to shrubs?" she asked, pretending to sound surprised.

"You talk to teddy bears," he countered while he struggled to yoink out his biology book. "Crap, I need to clean this damn locker."

"Oh, and Wufei and I have told you this _how_ many times?" she snickered once Duo had to put his foot up against one of the bottom lockers to pull out his bloody text book. Granted, he achieved busting it out of it's prison, causing a lot of the junk in his locker to spill onto the floor. The pile was about half a foot tall too.

"Yeesh! It's gonna take me the whole lunch period to clean this up," Duo whined. "Hilde?"

"I'll fetch you a trash bag and buy you a bag of chips, but I am _so_ not touching any of that." She landed a playful punch on his left arm. "Have fun sweetie."

She did exactly as she said she would. The school janitor had given her a trash bag which she gave to Duo, then proceeded toward the cafeteria to fetch him something to eat. She couldn't believe just how disorderly Duo was. One of the infamous myths with gay guys was that they always stay tidy and organized. In her opinion, the only thing that made Duo gay was simply the fact that he prefers boys.

"Stupid Une. Stupid Fei. Stupid Hilde. Everybody hates me today," Duo grumbled to himself after sticking the seventh or eighth juice box in the plastic garbage bag.

"Everybody?" A curious female voice chimed in whilst he finished grumbling to himself. "I know somebody who _loves_ you and who's been looking all over for ya today."

Duo stopped what he was doing and took a moment to flash Relena one of his infamous hundred watt smiles. "Hey Cupid, want to contribute to not hating me and help me clean this mess up by any chance?"

"I'll hold the bag," she said as an easy escape to not touch any of the contents on the floor. "Heero does the same damn thing with his locker, so I'm used to this."

"How is he? I didn't get to talk to him during the holiday break," he said sadly. Of course he had to forget to ask Heero for his phone number or his address. One thing that really upset him was the fact that everyone knew where Maxwell church was. He was hoping Heero would visit at least once, but he didn't. That worried Duo a bit. "He um... was really looking for me?"

"He couldn't shut up about you over the phone all week." Relena was thoroughly amused by the surprised look on Duo's face. The expression was just too pure. "He said something about a Wufei not trusting him, so that made him very reluctant to go and visit you."

"Strike two for Wu-man today!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "I love him to death and all, but he really doesn't have to baby me so much."

"Heero says that about his friend Trowa all the time." The amount of things Duo and Heero had in common was totally nuts. Relena sometimes wondered if Duo was Heero from an alternate universe. Then again, that would make this fic all sci-fi and stuff. We'll just stick to the true love theme.

With the help of Relena's pro.... bag holding, Duo was able to clear his little mess and stack his books neatly in his locker in less than ten minutes. Time sure does fly while having a conversation about your boyfriend. "Relena, shouldn't you be in the cafeteria?"

She giggled. "Heero asked me to help him find you, so I did. I also took it as an escape from... people. Lets just put it that way." Duo knew it! She didn't like being the all _but _self-proclaimed queen of the school after all. That explained why she was a cross-dresser off school grounds. He wondered briefly if Milliardo Peacecraft ever went out in public wearing a dress and make-up to hide his identity.

"Can we find Heero? I'm... I've been... well... " Nothing like love to make someone as out-spoken as Duo trip over his words and blush right down to his shoulders.

"You both are such goof-balls." Relena giggled and yoinked out her shiny purple cell-phone. "I'll text-message him. He'll be here in under a minute, just you watch."

**TBC**

**A/N:** Woo-hoo! First chap is in, finally! Sorry that took so long, I've just been busy. I'm judging some fics for the contest at The Vault, and of course high school, being the bitch that it is, takes seven hours out of my computer time. I have classes in four different buildings, all of which require climbing up one to six flights of stairs XP All in five minutes whilst I drag my heavy bookbag along. Oh well, at least homework won't be an issue. I have six study halls!! Six! Oh well, I have more credits than I need so far, so I earned those study halls!

And the beginning was inspired by something that happened this Friday. I think this story might get a better feel to it now that I'm back in Hell!

Comments, reviews, crits, anything!!! Feedback!! It's going to be my life energy from now until... school's out... next June XP I think I'll go start my summer reading now. Toodles!


	2. Chapter 2

**Cult Cupid: Chapter 2**

**Author:** Freya

**Disclaimer:** You know what this means.

**Setting:** Same as all the other settings from _'Miss Cupid'._

**Warnings:** A/U, Shounen-ai/Yaoi, my pimp pairings (the king of the crop being 1x2x1 of course), inane humor, inappropriate language, mildly obscene activity, picking on preps, and enough bad puns and retarded spoofs to choke a horse! Are we having fun yet?

**(x) (X) (x)**

"Duo, you're standing on my foot," Relena said calmly, resisting the urge to just shove him off of her.

"Oop, sorry Rel-can." Duo didn't realize in his nervous state that he'd backed up right onto her foot. "Want me to kiss it and make it feel better?"

She snorted and scanned the area for any sign of Heero. She had to get out of there and make her presence known to a bunch of preppy bitches before lunch was over. One could only 'powder their nose' for so long. "Duo, when I play jock-boy my name is Rel-_kun_."

"Can, kun, what's the difference? What's it all mean? Is this more nee-hang-ga crap? Heero muttered stuff like that to me before."

"Nee... what?" Relena said then began giggling when she pieced the syllables together and figured out what he meant. Duo couldn't understand Japanese words worth a damn and it was quite funny. "'Kun' is a Japanese suffix. 'Can' is what holds your soggy veggies and soup."

"Um... oh." He let out a nervous chuckle. "I never met anyone who could speak Japanese. Chinese, yes, but not Japanese."

"Yes you have. Nee-hang-ga _(Nihango)_ is Japanese for the word Japanese. Heero speaks it too."

So many Asian languages, and Asian words for Asian languages. Duo's head felt like it was going to fall off from spinning so much. He could barely manage a 'C-' in Italian class; he didn't even want think of experiencing the nightmare of more complex languages outside of the romance ones. He preferred good old English (and so do I!)

"Duo!" Duo's face fell into a slight frown when a third party arrived. A third party... that wasn't Heero. "Damn it, I've been looking all over the place for you. How'd your counseling go?" Wufei snickered and gave his buddy a pat on the shoulder. Being an arrogant ass was one of his joys in life.

"I'll show you how it went.... right after I lay a smackdown on you," Duo said with an extremely irked tone and charged right into Wufei. The Chinese boy made a move to dodge, but Duo just barely got him. Sir Braid-king was bloody fast when he was pissed! And in Duo's glorious might, he managed to get Wufei's waist into a vice grip and lifted the obsidian eyed boy up onto his shoulder with little effort. The only problem was keeping Wufei from kicking him in the face.

"Put me DOWN damnit!!" Wufei yelled and pounded Duo's back with his fists. Well, not much since Relena saw this act of violence and latched hard onto his wrists. He looked her straight into the eyes for a mere instant and just scowled at her. She returned the nasty look she got with one of her own.

"Duo," spoke a forth party who'd arrived just at the right moment. This time it was Heero, and Duo was very nervous and excited. So much of both that he ended up dropping Wufei right on top of Relena without meaning to just to run over and greet his boyfriend.

"Hey, buddy." Duo landed a small, playful punch on his squeeze's shoulder in order to be macho. Macho? Bah, who was he kidding? It was nine whole days since he'd seen Heero and he wanted and hug. So that's what he got, a great big hug from his all knowing mate.

Wufei groaned after he stopped seeing stars and noted immediately that everything'd suddenly gone dark. Then he realized he hit his nose on something solid and it was bleeding. Then he felt two soft lumps brush against his cheek. About a second later, his head shot right up and he covered his face with his hands in shame. His face landed right in between Relena's boobs.

Wufei stood and bowed before Relena, apologizing in every way he could in his native tongue. There was no honor in what happened, even if it wasn't really his fault.

"You... don't have to apologize," Relena said sincerely, even though she was shaking and blushing like crazy. "It wasn't your fault."

Wufei was still mortified, but decided to switch to English just for the hell of it. He didn't catch the fact that Relena spoke fluent Chinese yet. "I feel ashamed. I bled on your shirt." He wiped the last of the blood from his nose with the back of his hand. Of all the colors to wear that day, Relena was wearing white too. "I'll replace it."

"Don't bother. I never did like this shirt anyway." She lifted herself to her feet, looked down at the large blood stain on her shirt, then lifted her head to glare at Duo, who was currently hiding behind Heero. He was only feigning fear though, little punk.

"Remind me never to buy you anymore then," Heero chimed in, seeing as the shirt she was wearing was one he bought for her. She then went white as a sheet, knowing all too well she'd have to hurt one boy or the other. Wufei was out of the question because for one, she didn't know him; what had happened was a total accident on his part, and she wanted him to stop apologizing already. Heero was as man as men could get, so he could handle a white lie... even though the shirt she was wearing was one of her favorites in reality.

"Fine, don't buy me anymore then." When he scowled at the remark she rolled her eyes for good measure. If there was just one person in the world that was completely immune to Heero's intimidation, it was Relena.

Going back to the issue at hand, she looked down at her shirt and frowned worriedly at the bloodstain. "This is going to be difficult to explain."

The purple-eyed demon decided now was a good time to stop playing wuss and help Relena out of the jam he'd unintentionally put her in. She was the one that got Heero to come in the first place; plus he had his sweet revenge on Wufei.

"I have an idea," Duo boasted abruptly, leaving his hiding spot and walking up toward the lockers. Wufei was still muttering quiet things to himself in Chinese, so he didn't have to worry about his buddy going ape on him... now.

"Whose locker is that?" Relena asked as soon as Duo opened the said locker that was located half a wall away from his own.

As soon as he yoinked out a white t-shirt that didn't have too many wrinkles on it, he slammed the spontaneous locker shut and re-joined the group. "This is one Hilde's many gym shirts. And... " he took a whiff of it and winced slightly. Only slightly, informing those who paid attention that it smelled bad... but not too bad (obviously) "It doesn't smell too bad. Her deodorant's a bit rancid, but if anybody asks you can just say you went for a jog."

Relena blinked once, sighed, took the shirt, slipped out of her tainted shirt, and slipped into Hilde's very quickly. Pretty bold thing to do in front of three boys. Then again, they were three boys who couldn't have cared less. Wufei wasn't paying any attention since he was still wallowing in his own shame; Heero was practically her brother now; and Duo was gay. Who gave a damn? Not to mention bathrooms and whatnot would've been crowded with preps and stuff. She couldn't afford to be seen with blood on her blouse. And their school was pretty cheep, so not every hallway had security cameras installed. Especially not the conveniently vacant one where Duo's locker had been located.

"Yo Wu-man," Duo shouted right into his friend's ear, causing the black-haired youth to spin-kick his leg and knock him over. As much as it hurt his bum, Duo always thought it was funny when Wufei did that to him. He was once given the nickname 'Masochist' by Hilde because of it. The way Duo would often pick on his buddy Wufei gave Duo's tiny group of friends the impression that he had a death wish. Then he was bequeathed the alias 'God of Death' every so often.

Heero just lifted a brow at his eccentric boyfriend's antics. Duo had the weirdest sense of humor.

"I'm NOT a woman!!!" Duo just snorted at his Chinese amigo and shoved the tainted blouse into Wufei's arms.

"Relena will forgive your sinful deed if you dispose of this evidence." Duo stuck his tongue out at Wufei and it took everything that Chinese boy had not to rip it out, wrap it around Duo's neck, and choke him the death with it. Then again, he knew that if he didn't drag Duo to Mr. Happy's office by the braid he wouldn't have gotten a 'face full of mounds' so to speak. This was mostly Duo's fault, but not all Duo's fault.

"Fine." Wufei snatched the blouse and headed off to the boys bathroom.

Once the whole awkwardness of the situation was over, Relena headed back to the cafeteria to greet 'the preptard bitchdom', leaving Heero and Duo all to themselves.

"So... do you torcher _all_ of your friends like that?" Heero asked with an amused tone to his voice. Duo couldn't help but smile at Heero's morbid curiosity. That Japanese boy was such a cutie.

"Just the special ones."

Heero snorted. "So, whose boobs are you going to drop my face into?"

O'rich one had fallen right into that bear trap. Not two seconds later had Duo grabbed a fist full of Heero's hair and slammed his face it right into his chest.

"Ow! I said 'drop' not 'shove.'" Despite the irritating throbbing that was going on in Yuy's nose, he couldn't help chuckling while he complained.

"Damn, it's not bleeding. I guess Wufei was having pervy thoughts as well." Picking on that Chang boy was one of Duo's main joys in life.

"Sadistic bastard." Duo's nickname of the hour finally made itself known from Heero. Boy did that one ever fit. He was both of those... literally.

"Thanks... Rudolph." Well... Heero did have a red nose at the moment.

After all the jibber-jabber, Heero and Duo just stared at each other for a moment, not really knowing what to do now. It was high school after all; it was Spring; it was make-out season. All of that good stuff and so forth. They felt like jamming their tongues down their other's throat, but of course something always interrupted their nearly tender moments. The thing that interrupted them this time, was what sounded like two females arguing from afar. No later had that notion been confirmed once Hilde and Relena came into view, both looking positively pissed. Both... looking right at Duo.

"Duo!! How many times have I told you NOT to lend MY stuff to other people without asking first!?" As soon as she completed her sentence, both of her hands had taken ample fist fulls of Duo's t-shirt. "You can forget the bag of chips now!"

"Geez Hil, take some Ibuprofen before you decide to yell at me. Don't make me suffer the wrath of cramp season." This wasn't really the correct time to be making any jokes. Hilde had a lot of shirts though. Normally she wouldn't have minded clothing wise (as opposed to textbook and writing utensil wise), but it was indeed..... 'cramp season.'

"Fuck off you little weasel," she sneered at Heero when he tapped her shoulder. He was pretty short so she just assumed he was a random Freshman. Oh the not so wonderful blind rage brought to you by the menstrual cycle.

"Don't talk to him like that!" Duo said, suddenly in a horrifically rotten disposition. Every time someone saw Heero they always got the wrong impression of him. Well, okay, so Hilde was only the second friend of his to have met Heero. That didn't make it any less annoying however.

"Oh my god... don't tell me that's... " She watched as Duo rested his hands on either side of Heero right shoulder and lent his head right on top of them. Her fear was confirmed; time of the month let it's wrath be know, hence Duo's boyfriend now had a bad impression of her. She felt more than embarrassed right then and there. She was downright grief stricken. Today just wasn't anybody's day.

"Hi... " Heero said finally once the fierce look in her eyes seemed to calm down. Relena had taken the liberty of clutching one of Heero's arms for support. It wasn't as if Heero was afraid of Hilde; he was afraid of himself. If she'd done anymore than clutch Duo's shirt in that violent manner, he would've probably knocked her out cold. He never did seek out those anger management classes Relena had suggested only about a thousand times.

"I... am so sorry I snapped at you... Heero was it?" She gave him a nervous grin after he nodded. It wasn't every day one made an ass in front of another's boyfriend without them even knowing.

"You must be Hilde. Duo never shuts up about you."

"He-e-ey, I do _too_ shut up about her."

Heero snorted. "Yeah, you do when you want to talk about Wufei."

"W-well." Now he had a nervous grin on his way-too-cute-for-words face. Heero could see why Duo and Hilde make excellent friends. Same reason why he and Relena did. The whole siblings-yet-not-really-siblings complex. Oh so weird...

"Duo just thinks his life's a bit boring, that's all," Hilde chimed in to the lover quarrel in attempts to rescue Duo. Oh Heero and Duo, their love is like a tag team wrestling match. The real kind... not the fake.

And then... the bell to class rang!

**TBC**

**A/N:** Yuck, I should've updated this sooner. Damn busy schedual _-cough- _laziness _-cough- _Get this, my alias at school is officially Bob! XD I got my Geometry teacher to call me Bob and now I'm working on getting my Italian teacher to as well LOL.

I just remembered something I noticed about a month ago. If you have the movie "Frosty the Snowman" that little blonde that takes him to the North Pole looks just like Relena XD Why I was watching an X-mas movie in the middle of August you ask.............. I'm a strange person, okay. That's the only excuse I can give you LOL.

**Now, review responses:**

**Inuyasha-Luv-Kagome -** F-F-FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!! XD Sorry, couldn't resist. I have a different title at school every year (I was a pyro back in 8th grade XD) And yeah, I did the shounen-ai. Did Yuy not give his coot lil monster a hug? Don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from. I don't rate stories 'R' just so I can spew the F-bomb frequently yanno ;) Thanks for reading :D

**Dark Angel of Grace -** Thankies!! I know, because I talk to mah teddy too )

**trajik007 -** Cooooooooookie!!! Is it an oreo!? Can I eat it now!? XD Yay, you fell for the story!! Thank you for the review!!

**Feanturi Dindel -** I'm glad you had an opportunity to read it too. You're the third reviewer in a row I don't recoginise. This makes me feel good; thank you for reviwing. I want as many people as possible reading and enjoying this story. And I fully agree with you, HS is a real drag.

**kari073 -** Thank you so much!! I'm glad you like the characterization (it's the one thing I bust myself up most over.) I was going for the some-what crafty sort while trying to remain fairly IC. Public display of affection pisses me off with a passion, that's why this fic's setting won't _'only' _be the school... if you catch my drift ;)

**einld -** Woo hoo! Thanks for reviewing this piece of work!! Glad you enjoyed this and MC :)

**animeLily009 -** Oh my, hope I'm not too late _-taps fingers innocently together-_ Could you please blame my school instead? XD THANK YOU for reviewing this fic with such... enthusiam. That was really nice to see (don't die on me PLEASE)

**xRubySohox -** YAY! I feel loved now. Thank you for reading and enjoying the fic :D

**Ink2 -** Nah, my plot bunnies weren't getting any vacation shots that would make any sense XP Glad you're continuing to read this hunk-o-junk XD

**inthefire2002 -** Milliardo should wear a dress. Him, Trowa and Treize (see the pattern? The fandom's super semes! XD All because they're more than 156cm tall) Duo can't really see auras. It's more like he can feel them (like how you can sometimes feel somebody next to you's in a rotten mood or... you know) Thanks for coming over to the sequel! Glad to see ya again XD

**MELM -** Yay! You are here too _-does a cool dance-_ thank you, I feel loved now that I rock XD And hey, any reviewer of mine rocks ten times more!

**Muchacha -** Yesh! Another familiar one. Hi hi D Thanks for reading, and the thing with the lockers XP I used to always hit my head on top lockers XP I hate lockers. I prefer my good old bookbag LOL.

**Skarlet Red -** That comment right there made me name Duo's counceller Mr. Happy XXXD Thanks for coming to the sequel!

**(x) (X) (x)**

**Final Note: **Holy f... 13 reviews that was!! Had I got _one_ more it would've been twice the amount of reviews 'Miss Cupid' got on it's first chapter (yes, I remember that stuff because I genuinly appreciate it.) I love you all!! Rock on, people!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Cult Cupid: Chapter 3**

**Author:** Freya

**Disclaimer:** You already know GW's not mine. Neither's Gravitation or FLCL.

**Setting:** Same as all the other settings from _'Miss Cupid'._

**Warnings:** A/U, Shounen-ai/Yaoi, my pimp pairings (the king of the crop being 1x2x1 of course), inane humor, inappropriate language, mildly obscene activity, picking on preps, and enough bad puns and retarded spoofs to choke a horse! Are we having fun yet?

**(x) (X) (x)**

_And then... the bell to class rang! _ Oh wait... I said that in the last chapter... DOH!

"Bah, shit. Go and ruin all my fun... stupid bell," Duo grumbled, even though that goofy smiling face of his refused to cease. The presence of Heero and the rest of his buddies, no matter how mortified, pissed off, or crampy they may be at the moment, was what the life energy fed off of. He was just the type that liked being around his people.

"Does Heero get a parting kiss?" Relena just had to ask, whilst she thrust her brother-like figure forward toward Duo to prove her point. The girl had to hold back the evil smirk that wanted to corrupt her not-so-innocent-at-the-moment looking features. "You'd better hurry up. These halls are gonna be crowded any second."

Both boys just stared at each other for a second, shrugged, then lent in for a tiny kiss. Well, they almost got there, until they harshly learned an important lesson in the teenage world. Never underestimate the amount of time it takes for hallways to become swarmed with people after the lunch bell.

Because the two of them took the time to shrug, about ten preps and a few punks caught this little love scene. The air practically got sucked out of the hall that very second... until one of Relena's annoyingly loud worshippers decided it was time be a pest.

"Oh my GOD!! That fucker that shattered Relena's heart just kissed A GUY!!!"

For an instant, Relena turned away and rolled her eyes.

The next instant, Heero gave her that 'do whatcha gotta do' face, then gave her an extremely dirty look in front of the arrivals, who were constantly growing in numbers.

The next instant, Relena had slapped Heero, soundly and relentlessly. Well, it sounded pretty relentless, and it did put an ugly red mark on the side of his cheek. However, one could not underestimate Yuy's physical endurance. The slap tickled more than anything, and it was his choice for Relena to treat him this way amongst her satanic posse. Anything to keep his popularity level dangling from the social food chain.

"No way! Heero Yuy's a faggot!!" screamed worshipper number two!

"Who'd he kiss? I bet they have AIDS!!!" howled worshipper number three!

"Let's get him!!!" announced the rest of them!

Once a bunch of jocks started at Heero, Relena ran off into a dark corner and yoinked out her cell phone. Coincidentally, Hilde too ran off into another dark corner, on the opposite side of the hallway, whipping out her own cell. Each girl made a phone call; each call made with the same intension: to stop this madness before Heero or Duo ended up killing somebody.

"Thank you," each girl chimed simultaneously, giggled, then snapped their phone's shut. Neither one of them had any idea the other'd just made a phone call... to the same place no less!

Relena however, began brushing her arm roughly against her eyes. Then, she pulled a small bottle of water out of her purse, and dabbed her eyes with some of the liquid to make it look like she'd been crying. She almost wish she'd worn mascara; that would've been a nice touch.

"HEERO!" Relena cried, marching back into the crowd of mindless twits. "How DARE you hit MY friends you BASTARD!"

"Hey! Wait just a god damn minute here, Relena. What're you talking about?" Duo asked while shoving two wannabe gangsters off of him. "I thought... "

"Shut up, Maxwell. That bitch isn't worth your breath," Heero responded, then shot Duo a 'just play along' kind of look. It didn't take long to see just what Heero was getting at. Heero and Relena were just acting.

Just then, the lights in the hallway switched off, causing quite a few gasps and murmurs to begin breaking loose. Everybody, but Relena and Hilde were surprised by this.

Then the floor began to shake. The murmurs evolved into quite a few panicky cries and shrills. Heero and Duo stared at each other with wide eyes. They had half a mind to believe that the world was about to end. Suddenly, a huge hole blasted right through the wall of the school, destroying quite a few lockers in the process. Two shadowed figures, stood proud, outside of this gargantuan orifice.

"Heero, are we gonna die?" Duo asked, not knowing whether this was some sick joke, or if it was the apocalypse. In any case, Heero had no answer for Duo's morbid question.

"Yoo-hoo! Did somebody call for their Kitty-Cat?" exclaimed an extremely giddy and friendly sounding female voice from outside of the school's newest cavity.

Heero did a double take when he heard that. It was a voice he knew all too well... and that voice just answered Duo's morbid question.

"No Duo, I don't think _we're_ the ones who're gonna die." Sure enough, the 'Kitty-Cat' popped into view, and was glomped by a suddenly hyper-active Hilde at the... un-door?

"I called my Kitty-Cat!!" Hilde said excitedly and pulled herself off of her girlfriend. "You got here quick."

"Yeah, you didn't tell me whether or not my little bro was in any kind of trouble... again." This was Catherine Bloom, in the flesh, and wearing bizarre and un-matching electric colors. One prep, whom was quite ignored, even made a comment about a fashion emergency.

"Hey Kitty, how'd you do that?" Hilde asked, jamming her thumb up toward the very noticeable, ten foot hole that was still in the wall.

Cathy snorted while petting her precious mate's head. "It wasn't me who did that."

Hilde just blinked a couple of times, then looked up at the hole. That second shadow figure still hadn't entered the building yet. In the shadow, it appeared that whomever was standing there was... chatting on the phone?

_5 minutes and several packs of Skittles later.._

"Alright there kiddies, put 'em up!" said the shadow, after she'd put the phone away. That's right, this was a she. A very balsy looking she, with purplish black hair and eyes to match. She was a regular Hell cat, this woman, with a smirk on her face and eyes to match. Her eyes match a lot of things, don't they?

"Oh. My. God. That's... that's Lucrezia Noin!" They all gasped at the awesome sight they beheld. The wife, of the school's best and only attractive looking jock in history, had just blasted a hole through **their** school... with the legendary Tallgeese in her hand. What was the Tallgeese you ask? Well...

"Why does your guitar have a mohawk on it?" Duo asked the rather questionable looking woman. He and Hilde were seriously the only two in the room that didn't recognize her. So being a loser actually did have it's downsides.

Looking right at Duo, she motioned for him to walk toward her with her eyes. Duo took a deep breath, and with his hand clutched in Heero's, they both walked up toward her.

"Oh. My. God. The great Noin is gonna punish them, Miss Relena," one of the girls said to where Relena _was_. Relena just walked away from all of this, figuring the idiot squad would respect her 'pain' and honor her by watching Noin torture Heero and Duo. That, however, was not the real case.

A psychotic look suddenly broke ou on Noin s face, a she struck _one hell_ of a funky pose!

"Fooly Cooly!!" Noin shrieked out and slammed a few high notes on her husband's mohawked guitar, Tallgeese. The pandemonium of abrupt sound waves forced everyone, whom the guitar mohawk's aim was directed towards, right off their feet and into the nearest walls, causing even more craters to adorn their quaint little high school. Albeit amused, Noin flipped the preptards off with a less than amused look on her face.

Heero and Duo just stared at this... rather interesting state of events. "This fic just keeps getting weirder and weirder."

"You say something, Duo?" Heero asked, trying to contemplate the fact that Noin'd actually just **done** that. Good thing their principal, Treize Kushranada, had quite a soft spot for Noin. Not only was her man, Milliardo Peacecraft, the school's best jock in history; Noin happened to be a school's best fund raiser in history. Together, the twosome gave this dull and gloomy high school a name.

Noin smiled at the two boys and twirled the funky looking guitar underneath her finger. "You can kiss whenever you'd like now. Tallgeese has the power."

The two boys just nodded, confused as to how plastering the school's wall with preps and jocks was going to make any difference.

"Relena is one crazy bitch for getting you over here," Heero commented nonchalantly. Why else would Noin be there? Nobody in this school, with the exception of himself and Relena, could so much as lick the heal of her boot.

Noin just snorted at the remark and gave Heero a pat on the shoulder. "Any time, little brother." She winked, and disappeared in a flash; as in, she ran out of there very quickly, and did a cool flip of the cape thing, with the cape Heero only now noticed she was wearing.

"Hey, that was less than fifteen minutes, right?" Wufei asked, finally making his presence known in this scene. He'd been warding off most approaching jocks during the fight... until Noin and Cathy hit the scene. Then he just stood there, jaw sputtering like a fish out of water. He had never seen a woman do something so bizarre; not even his Nataku was THAT balsy.

"I think so. Shit, I can't afford anymore class cuts in Biology class." And now Duo was gone in a flash. How do people do that?

"Yuy, why did this happen?" Wufei demanded, while he watched each jocks and preps slowly peal themselves off the wall, one by one.

"Ask Relena," the blue-eyed boy responded to his boyfriend's friend. "You still distrust me, but you had no trouble sputtering incoherent things to her during the last few minutes of lunch."

Wufei scuffed at the remark and turned away from Heero sharply. The only thing worse than having a wise ass for a best friend, was having the said best friend dating another wise ass.

**TBC**

**A/N:** Didn't I say the updating would be slowing down? Shit, at least I won't be updating this months at a time (hopefully) Things have been a real drag lately. Oh well, nothing that will affect this fic (perhaps the angst in my life with help fire this baby up ;D)

My biology teacher only has seven fingers!

And to top all of that shit off, I've really been getting into the game Final Fantasy 8. Squall Leonheart reminds me of Heero... A LOT! Chickenwuss reminds me of Duo ;) That's the first video game I've ever played that's ever been: OMG-WTF-this-shit-is-so-teh-Yaoi-LOL!! XD I scare me when I speak like that.

I'm also coming up with theories that Relena might be a closet Yaoi fan! Anybody want to help me out?

Well, time for me to shut up about my dull life, and respond to you beautiful people, who have waited so patiently -_hands you each a bag of plastic sporks-_ Toss them at me; it might make me update quicker. Getting sporked got me to write a Kuwabara x Hiei fic for a friend of mine XD

**Responses:**

**Rebriwien** - Grr, I hate it when people ask me those kinds of questions XP The answer to whether or not I'm going for 5xR is undecided. I might, but it'd have to fit into the story. If I find a good way to make them an item, I'll probably do it. It depends on the story ultimately. I don't believe in tossing in spontaneous couples. Each couple in this story will serve a good purpose. Just wait until Trowa and Quat hit the scene. You may... or may NOT be seeing the blonde angel and his one eyed clown boy (a.k.a., the reincarnations of Romeo and Juliet XD) THANK YOU for what you said about Relena!! People should be a bit more original when it comes to her character. She's fun to write for! And Duo's joking around, is to remind the audience that our favorite braided goofball... is still... a teenager. Lets give the boy some time now XD

**fiery-icicles **- Awesomeness! I thank you for loving my writing -hugs-

**Inuyasha-Luv-Kagome** - Teasing Wufei is THE fandom cliché GW couldn't live without ;D Wufei, Heero and Relena make it too easy XD

**Feanturi Dindel** - Yaay! Thanks! I love the way you review XD

**xRubySohox **- Formal formal, what is formal? Formal, as in normal? A bit of normality is good for my chaotic brain every so often XD Thank you so much!! I'm glad my sick sense of humor entertains you XD

**Skarlet Red** - LMFAO that is SUCH a good idea!! I'll definitely have to remember that one XD

**inthefire2002 **- Never underestimate the fretfulness of a pissed off, PMSing, teenage, lesbian! COOKIE DOUGH!!! _-dives in it face first-_ 5xR would make a fun pairing! I've been thinking about making them a couple. I may or may not do it. It all depends on the story. Thanks for the cookie dough and the review _-hands you Yaoi plushies-_ ;D

**Ink2 **- Torture will keep you wanting more ;) 1x2 is a good pair to drag out; give them all kinds of interruptions so each little kiss matters. A helpless romantic I am XP

**Dannii Malfoy** - THANK YOU ) Your reviewing is great ;D

**Gangsta Videl** - Boobies!! Wufei got what Akira Toriyama calls a 'puff-puff' _-snickers- _I could see Wufei getting buried in all kinds of boobs, just because he's the only Gundam pilot I think is straight more than 10 of the time XD Hard, arrogant, and bitchy... you know Fei's gettin' laid _-snickers again-_

**MELM** - Wow, that's awesome! I want a tatoo (and I want it to say: All Your Base Are Belong to Us) Yay, thank you for blaming my school for my horrible amount of time I take to update -hugs-

**Death Phoenix** - I'll try XP

**(x) (X) (x)**

**Final Note:** I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected!


	4. Chapter 4

**Cult Cupid: Chapter 4**

**Author:** Freya

**Disclaimer:** There are so many things I want but can't have. Must you rub it in my face?

**Setting:** Same as all the other settings from _'Miss Cupid'._

**Warnings:** A/U, Shounen-ai/Yaoi, my pimp pairings (the king of the crop being 1x2x1 of course), inane humor, inappropriate language, mildly obscene activity, picking on preps, and enough bad puns and retarded spoofs to choke a horse! Are we having fun yet?

**(x) (X) (x)**

_"This is the song that never ends._

_It goes on and on my friends._

_Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_and they'll continue singing it forever just because.. "_

"Duo, if you value your life you will stop singing that horrendous song RIGHT now," Wufei barked under his breath. Still in school they were. Final period of the day, then home they would go. Much to Wufei's dismay, that was about an hour away. Oh, woe was he. "I don't want to hear you complaining about how bored you are either. You think I'm not?" The dark haired teen turned his nose back toward the classroom's television screen, then shot a quick glance toward the teacher, who appears to have fallen asleep. Wufei could tell that guy was asleep since there was drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth, and because he was snoring.

Wufei tapped his dearest friend on the shoulder, so Duo could get a look at who the aspiring youths of America were supposed to be depending on. The braided boy was slightly amused and slightly irritated at the same time. Why didn't students get to sleep through dull ass movies?

"I thought Sex Ed. was supposed to be cool. So far, all these tapes have talked about were alcohol and tobacco." Duo rolled his eyes and slouched further into his chair. He didn't think he had any need for watching this, seeing as he wasn't really planning on becoming a smoker or an alcoholic. True, some kids were in dire need of watching this crap; Duo just wasn't one of them.

"This isn't just Sex Ed. my friend, it's Health Ed. as well."

Duo snorted again, and was still not impressed by the trite words spoken by the gentleman on the screen he watched. Cancer this, liver failure that; the words and phrases just went on and on and on... "Safe sex is healthy."

"You're just saying that because you're a pervert," Wufei countered.

"So?" The braided one asked innocently. Wufei just shook his head and rolled his eyes at the drama taking place on the vid. screen. He could so feel Duo's pain.

Duo twiddled his thumbs for a couple of seconds, then randomly thought of something.

"'Fei?"

"Yep."

"What would happen if someone got their eyelids cut off and kept being fed sleeping pills?"

Wufei was taken aback by Duo's, not only bizarre, but TOTALLY random question. "Uh... sucks to be them I guess." That was the best he could do. Duo was too spontaneous for his own good. "What the hell made you ask such a thing?"

Duo just stared at the dirt building up underneath his finger nails and shrugged. "Randomness."

"Pfft, figures."

A little bit after the two of them had stopped talking, something, or rather, someone who'd just passed by their classroom door caught Wufei's eye.

"Hey, that Kitty girl just walked by. And she's still wearing that atrocious... cape thing." Wufei said and winced at the mere thought of Cathy's attire. Electric green, orange, and purple didn't settle well with him.

"That's 'Cathy' to you, bozo. Only Hilde can call her the 'K' word." Duo winked at Wufei and gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. He did have to wonder though, why exactly was Catherine still there? Her and Noin had already served their purpose.

Or... had they?

**(x) (X) (x)**

"Awe, this is a beautiful shawl!" exclaimed Une of room 1113 (Duo and Wufei's homeroom and a sophomore history class.) "Tell me, what nationality are you?"

"Na... ty... a.. l, cud re say you that oh please," Cathy said with a heavy Asian accent. East or west Asia, Ms. Une wasn't exactly sure. She taught American History, and the subject of the month was immigration. She didn't think the guest speaker of her class would be _this_ much of an immigrant.

"Well, you obviously have somebody who will help translate what you say to the class coming. I trust you to keep the class in order. There's a senior in there who's the class' intern. Feel free to ask him anything. I'd stay, but I must attend a meeting with principal Treize Kushranada about that hole in the wall." Une pointed right down the hall, and Catherine pretended to be awe struck. "Yes, some audacious little basta... I-I mean delinquent did that."

"Big hooole," Cathy said, sounding more and more illiterate English-wise every second.

Une nodded once, and hurried down the hall to meet with Treize. Once the teacher was out of sight, Cathy began to snicker loudly. Teachers; they get more gullible by the years.

"Now, time to put my plan into action." She removed her large shawl and stuffed it into Hilde's locker so nobody could find it. Cathy was reveling her true colors at last. The girl was dressed in a camouflage tank-top with matching cargo pants, complete with big combat boots and a spiked belt for good measure. No one messes with her girlfriend's friends and gets away with it.

"FREEZE!" Cathy yelled while she kicked open the door. A usually chatty group of youngsters fell totally silent at the intimidating college girl's entrance. Catherine Bloom, the fierce caged animal has come to invade their school. At least she was referred to as the caged animal, or The Lioness back when she attended this dinky little school. She was one girl nobody messed with, albeit she and her brother were both homosexual. Speaking of brother...

"Cathy! What the hell... !?" exclaimed a rather shocked Trowa Barton from the back of the room. He was hired to be a student intern for that class, since he not only had a study hall during that channel, but Une really did need the help. Not to mention Ms. Une was his favorite teacher when he was in grade ten.

"Oh Trowa... hey... " she said with a rather nervous giggle. "L-long time no see, eh?"

"Yeah... it sure was a long time since breakfast this morning," Trowa answered sarcastically. The whole class let out a chuckle. "Why are you here?"

"I have something to say to these little mongrels." She jammed an accusing finger in each of their directions. "Surely you've heard about the incident out in the hall."

Trowa dug his pinky into his left ear and walked toward the door. "Then say what you need to. This gives me an excuse to use the bathroom anyway."

"Thanks for sharing, bro." The girl rolled her eyes with an amused look on her face. Trowa was too much fun to pick on.

Once Trowa had left the classroom, the fierce look returned to Cathy's face, rendering each and every student in the classroom silent yet again. "Betcha didn't recognize me underneath that shawl, didya?"

"Catherine Bloom!" One girl at the back of the class exclaimed. "B-b-but, you went to that big, fancy college. You... !"

"You all seem to forget, that I don't tolerate ignorance!" She barked at all of them, completely ignoring the girl who'd just been speaking. "You all leave my brother alone, now leave Heero Yuy alone."

"I will NOT!!!! HE BROKE RELENA PEACECRAFT'S HEART!!!!!!!" One girl screamed at the top of her lungs whilst thick tears rolled down her face. Cathy rolled her eyes and shook her head. These socially challenged losers needed to get a life.

"Oh well, are you saying Relena isn't strong enough to fix her own problems?" Catherine asked the blubbering girl who'd just barked at her. "That is so insulting, you know. Relena Peacecraft needs a bunch of little nobodies to fix her problems. You insult her by pulling this shit out of your asses and throwing it at Heero. So what if the guy's a jerk! Relena doesn't need ANY of YOU!"

"That's a LIE!!!" said a second girl, her eye bugged out so wide they looked like they were going to explode. "Noin came here to punish him!"

"Noin came here to punish YOU ALL for insulting poor Relena!!" Cathy was all fired up. To her, it felt great to get under the skin of the ignorant. None of them had a clue about how much Relena despised her current life style. For heaven sakes, she was a straight, sixteen year old girl, going out in public as Rel-kun Peacemillion, a random wannabee jock boy, just to avoid publicity. Everybody BUT Heero made her miserable.

"Oh no... s-s-seriously? R-Relena... h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hates us?" an over dramatic prep girl bellowed out. "B-b-b-b-but, she's our master... o-our ruler! We're NOTHING without HER!!!"

Catherine hoped to god Relena didn't have to hear THAT very often.

_Ten minutes and three re-appearances of Trowa later._

"She will forgive you all for your sin," Cathy finally said, after the drama began to become unbearable. She felt like she was in the Puritan age. All of the fingers being pointed; all the fear about becoming an awful person under their 'God'. A few of the students even swore they were going to Hell for upsetting Relena. This was just like the Puritan age... or worse... just like the goofy high school shows on The Disney Channel! Or Nickelodeon!

"Tell us how! We will do anything," said yet another random prep who was on her knees begging. Cathy had to really resist the urge to kick the shit out of the pathetic little whelp.

"Relena... wants you all to leave Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell alone. That is all."

An uproar of confused chatter took place right then and there. It wasn't really a hard concept to grasp, which is why it took Cathy all of her will not to knock the little retards senseless.

"You heard me correct. Let her go on with her life. She doesn't need Heero and she doesn't want any of you getting hurt because you were bothering him. She wants to protect you as well yanno. Be grateful!"

"I'm willing to DIE for Relena," said a boy this time, sounding sickeningly noble. Now Cathy just wanted to laugh. This was all totally ludicrous.

"She doesn't WANT you to, GET IT? Leave Heero and Duo alone, that's ALL. SHE. WANTS."

After a few more minutes of psychobabble, the ignorant group of weirdo kids agreed with Catherine and decided that Heero wasn't worthy of their noble breaths.

"I guess I'll be off then. Trowa, make sure they stay true to their word."

"Right... " Trowa barely squeaked out, since he was out of breath from laughing so hard in the background (the panic of the group drowned out the sound of his laughter) He also had to make sure Une didn't find out about Cazthy's appearance; his sister's ass as well as his own were seriously on the line for this.

"And remember kiddies, you NEVER saw me! You only saw Enirehtac Moolb! I bid you farwell!"

Trowa began laughing again, since he was the only one who got the joke.

Fifteen minutes later, Une returned, being none the wiser about Cathy's appearance. One thing was for certain though, not very many people would be passing the up coming test on immigration.

**(x) (X) (x)**

_"The wheels on the bus go round and _- whoa! I just had a premonition!"

Wufei started laughing as soon as his friend said that. "Yeah, sure, what was it? That you'll not be singing five minutes from now?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Duo said sarcastically while twirling his finger around in circles, for no reason what so ever. "No seriously! I have this feeling all of a sudden."

"Don't tell me... it's gas right?" Wufei lent back into his seat, and his back pressed up against something he didn't recognize from before. The next thing he knew, a very abrupt and very rude noise had sounded off. It was the sound of a whoopee cushion!

"It was gas alright." Duo and quite a few others in the class began to laugh. Whoopee cushions were always funny, no matter what grade you were it.

"DUO!!!" Wufei lifted himself out of his seat and began beating Duo mercilessly with the limp piece of rubber. "That... trick... was... so.. juvenile!"

"Awe, and you beating me with it's less juvenile?"

The two boys were piled on the floor, having an all out war with one another... until the teacher woke up that was.

"MAXWELL! CHANG! DETENTION!" the teacher roared out then fell right back asleep.

Then, the bell to end the day had rung, and Duo and Wufei left the Health Ed. room, pretending the lazy teacher hadn't said anything.

**TBC**

**A/N: **Mwee he he, the next chapter after this is going to be SO evil XD I've had the song that never ends stuck in my head for awhile, so I just had to include it somewhere in this chapter. Duo and Wufei pickin' on each other's always fun. They make excellent friends!

I've got a Halloween fic in mind too. Dunno if I'm gonna make it 1x2 or 1x2xR... me hasn't decided yet. It's just going to be another weirdo humor fic by yours truely. I might start heading back in the angst direction as well (I have a contest to write for and a fic request from livejournal) Plus, I have a comic book that teaches you how to make comics so I can make my own doujins! (even though I'm not that good a drawer. Meh... )

**Responses: **

**Tara SylvanBlade -** Insanity is my specialty ;)

**Ink2 -** Well YEAH! Haven't you even seen Tallgeese the Mobile Suit? It's got a thing on it's head that looks kinda like a mohawk XD

**Death Phoenix -** I tried. Hopefully I'll update sooner next time XP

**ChibiNekoSakura -** Whoo-hoo! I've been sporked! Oh wait... OW o.x; Wufei embarrassed ish quite cute, is it not XD

**inthefire2002-** CHOCOLATE CHIP CHEESECAKE!!! Marry me? XD Yeah baby, Heero's got excellent taste in men ;) But, there's only one man that's most suitable for him _-throws Duo on top of him-_ Now the world is perfect ;)

**fiery-icicles -** Yay for Noin and her man's pimpin' guitar D

**Gangsta Videl - **Hopefully this laughter will make you very happy. I'm sorry I didn't send you this chapter to be BETA-read, but I couldn't find your e-mail anywhere o.o; Oh well, I vote donuts for president now XD

**Inuyasha-Luv-Kagome -** I know! I wish Noin could do that to the preps in my school XD Or just most of the freshmen who still haven't learned their manners at least.

**Skarlet Red - **MIL XD I like that one! I'll certainly remember it!

**MELM -** Always happy to brighten up your day, sweetie :)

**ahanchan - **Wow! Lots of people liked the Noin thing. I guess we're not seeing the last of her then ;)

**(x) (X) (x)**

**Final Note: **If you're interested in writing winter Yaoi fics, please consider entering this contest at The Vault. I put the link in my bio, so if you want to check it out. Later _-flies away-_


End file.
